Back To School! But F*CK That Drop Off Line.

Hallelujah! Amen! Praise the Lord of all things school supply related! Pack their bags, their lunch pails and their masks (wait, mask, no mask, what are we doing this year?) and get them OUT. THE. DOOR.

Okay, I'll be honest, this summer went really fast. Maybe it's because we only had a "normal" summer in terms of length as opposed to 2020 when we had Spring Break/Covid Shutdown/Summer Break/Virtual Learning that all happened back to back and my kids were home for what seems like one million days. Regardless, I'm still ready, my friends are still ready and you know darn well you are too. BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE KIDS!

I work from home (this was a pre-pandemic thing too), so the days of kids in school and toddlers at daycare are just so quiet and I get SO much work done. Yes, I miss them, but it's good for everyone to get some time away from each other. But let's talk about one of the things I was NOT ready for...

THE FUCKING SCHOOL DROP OFF LINES

Seriously, how fricking hard is it to efficiently keep a line moving that is GOING THE SAME DAMN WAY?? Well, apparently, pretty fricking hard. My oldest is a Junior in high school, so I've been doing the drop off thing for a long time, I'm no rookie here. Each year it. gets. worse. How? Why? What? Sigh.

Our middle school and high school consistently put out reminders for parents (or whatever person who forgets their driving skills between 7 AM and 8 AM, Monday-Friday), but do you think they help? Hell to the no.

SO I've decided to take matters in to my own hands. Now, it's not what you think. I'm not going to park and get out and yell at people (not that I don't yell from in interior of my mom-mobile), but I need some consistency, rules and efficiency here people. My coffee hasn't fully kicked in yet at 7:30 AM so listen up:

1. K, Karen, we ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL want first day pics. But DO NOT pull in to the drop off line, turn your hazards on, "pop out of the car quick, k" and snap the pics. It's dumb. It's not quick. And your kids don't want the pics in front of all their friends. #Illshowyouwhereyoucanputyourpics

2. PULL FORWARD. Why do we need to feel the need to just leave 4-5 car length gaps between vehicles anywhere, let alone a drop off line? Tighten that shit up people. #moveupbitches

3. Dude. In. The. GIANT. Dump. Truck. Seriously, the fuck are you thinking? WHY does it seem ideal to bring a giant dump truck to the WORST drop off line ever known to man. I'm starting a petition to have you removed, Kyle. #bye

4. The Coke delivery man. You're probably young and haven't yet had to experience life in the drop off lane, so let me give you a piece of advice. MOVE. GET THE HELL OUT OF THE DROP OFF LANE and find the delivery doors. #bye

5. There are technically two lanes; the curb/drop off lane and the drive/exit lane. Here's what you do: 1. drop off kid in curb lane, 2. pull to exit lane and 3. leave. Sups simple. Give it a try. But no. We get super douche dad in his ultra big pick up with tires bigger than my SUV who wants to pull up as though he's leaving, stop and let his kid(s) out. These are kids, exiting a super large vehicle so it's not quick. And these are always the kids who have a fucking cello, full football gear besides their backpack, laptop bag and their lunch bag. GET IN THE RIGHT LANE man. #Youknowwhattheysayaboutbigtrucks LOL They don't know how to do school drop off. Gawd, get your minds out of the gutter. Pervs.

6. If you can't figure this out, then additional options include:

a. Put your kids on the bus and save us all the anxiety

b. Give me your address and I'll pick them up and drop them off correctly.

Just think about it... the faster, and more efficiently, you drop them off, the quicker you get home to watch Today with Hoda & Jenna. You're welcome.