My Mom Was A Badass

I'm going to write a lot about my mom so I figured a post about her alone would be a great intro. If you didn't get a chance to meet her, you really freaking missed out. She truly was about all I had in this life. I don't know my biological father and until recently haven't met anyone from that side. My grandparents died when I was very young (my grandpa passed shortly after I turned one and my grandma passed when I was eight). I have an uncle who is still living and had an aunt that passed away in 2005. Growing up it was my mom, myself and my little sister, Niki.

I wanted to do nothing more than make my mom proud. We were a lot alike in some ways, but totally different in other aspects. She raised us around racing and 80's rock music. She was 4'9" of pure Irish and was a spitfire, through and through. She was little, but wasn't afraid to put someone in their place when needed.

She was born and raised in Knoxville, Iowa. She was always causing some kind of trouble around town. It could've been racing, and wrecking, rental bikes during the Knoxville Nationals, to racing my grandpa's AMC Rambler, only to get caught by the neighbor. To further prove her spitfire side, the neighbor lady told my grandparents what she saw, so my mom decided to drain their very large above ground pool into said neighbor's garage as a payback.

Being at a racetrack was the norm for my mom. Not only was she a fan of racing, but she was friends with many of the racing names you may have heard of (i.e., Kenny Weld and the Weld family, etc). Being a fan, or turning a wrench, wasn't enough for her so she raced also. She's raced go-karts, midgets and a sprint car on a few occasions. Rumor has it my bio dad entered her in to the Knoxville Nationals, but when my mom found out the car he put together was a bolt on chassis, she withdrew her name. Which is so good, because yours truly might not be here today if it weren't for her smart thinking. But all that racing experience led her to allowing me to race and she busted her ass to get us to the racetracks each weekend. The best bonding experience is doing something you love together. It's also really hard sometimes when you're holding a light for someone and you're not shining it in the right area while she wrenches. If you know, then you know. (Remember, sailor's mouth? Well, she has a bitch slap that would knock just about anyone down too).

My mom and biological dad clearly didn't work out since I've never met him. But I have a bonus dad that my mom went on to marry. He chose to love me and has always called me his daughter. I gained my sister from that marriage and later, after their own marriage failed and he remarried, I gained an amazing stepmother, stepsister and half-brother. After their marriage failed, we lived in some pretty rough neighborhoods and my mom worked hard to keep us going. I attended an elementary school where I was the minority and my babysitter lived in a neighborhood that most people have probably never even been to.

Eventually my mom was able to buy her own mobile home and she lived there well past when my sister and I left the house. My mom went to a local community college and obtained a degree in printing. You heard that right, she ran a printing press. She is tough, I'm not kidding. She had a few roommates as we grew up, but I never really thought much of it. But, turns out my mom was a lesbian. How can you live with someone and not know? #sheltered Eventually it became apparent and my mom "married" a roommate that lived with us the longest (sarcasm... get on board). Gay marriage wasn't legal then. Hell, gay marriage was really, really not okay then even. So I assume her hiding it from everyone in her life was due to that. Now we really never had a sit down talk about this, we just knew. I have a bonus sister, Ashley, from this marriage. I'm sure you're asking yourself how. Well, on a drunken night Ashley's mom went out and met a man and (bow chicka wow wow). About six months later she asked my mom for forgiveness and to take her to the doctor because she thought she had a tumor. SURPRISE; the tumor is my sister.

The one thing every one should know about my mom was that she was FIERCE. She loved fiercely, she fought fiercely, and she lived fiercely. Nothing in life was easy, or handed to her. She worked her ass off for everything. She protected us and loved us. She did the normal grandma thing and forgot about us when the grandkids were born! She was a fighter. She fought for us and the grandkids. There were six grandkids when she was with us. There are seven now and even though she never met the littlest one, I can guran-damn-tee you that he IS her. You'll hear about him later. The one thing my mom couldn't fight off was cancer. #fuckyoucancer Besides everything she did in her life before cancer, I had never seen her fight so damn hard as when she did when that diagnosis came. She had SO many surgeries, pokes, IV's, chemo treatments, radiation treatments, drains, procedures, hospital stays, etc etc etc that I wondered how much she could take. How much can any human take? But she took it and she fucking fought. And she fought until SHE was ready to go. She gave cancer the big ol' middle finger and literally went out on her own terms. She deserved that. After ten long years, she deserved to rest and do it her way. #breastcancersucks #pleasecheckyourtitties #preventionmatters #earlydetection

I am so proud to be her daughter. I am so thankful she is my mom. She was the by far the strongest, bravest, most beautiful person I could have ever have known and I had the pleasure of being hers. I miss her. And when I say that, I mean I FUCKING MISS HER. Every single part of me misses her. My kids miss her. My sisters miss her. My nieces and nephews miss her. Her brother misses her. And yet, I'm so damn thankful she isn't sick or fighting anymore because no one deserves that. So, Patty Waits, I hope I can be even HALF of a badass, fierce, fighter, mother, friend, grandma (not yet, calm down y'all) and human as you were.

You're going to hear a lot about Patty because she is all this and more. She was hilarious and serious. We had an amazing, weird relationship. We had a good run and I hope I made her proud.

In Loving Memory of My Mama - Patty Waits 1954-2016.